i can't help it, i'm a romantic fool

this morning i was in the bathroom, lazily stretching my arms out of front of me, then to the sides, then behind, and looking at myself in the mirror as i did so , trying to work out exactly how foreshortening effected my arms as they moved, and vainly trying to remember the weird shapes they made, in order to help me next time i tried drawing. i walked a couple of steps, froze, and felt myself take a sharp breath, before my body, of it's own accord, propelled me a couple of steps backwards. the reason for all this? a spider in the bath. i'm just glad my dad was there to trap it under a glass and a postcard and let it go in the garden. for some reason insects and spiders scare me, and i don't know why. i don't have it as bad as some people, but i can't pretend it's not there. it's nothing rational either. i can think about it all i like, and reason that there is nothing to be scared of in a spider, but this doesn't cure me. because the feeling of fear doesn't come from my mind, it's like a bodily reaction. i didn't choose to gasp and step back when i saw that one in the bath this morning, but i did. and i know if i tried to pick it up myself, i'd have to really put "mind over matter" into practice and literally force my body to remain under my command. but for all that i may be scared of them, i don't hate them like some people. and i would want nothing less than for the spider to be carefully released back outside, theres enough death and pain in the world already, i don't see the point in giving it out so freely as some people, no matter how small the recipiant is. i cringe when i hear someone swotting a fly.
a few months ago, i was sat on the bus, and a few minutes after getting on i realised that right in front of me, clinging onto the seat in front was a bumblebee. it wasn't moving, but it was alive. i was a little shocked, because when they get lazy, they sometimes sting, but i figured if i didn't provoke it, it wouldn't harm me, and it was really pretty to see up close. it started to get more lively as the journey went on, and started to crawl around the headrest of the seat in front, i was a little worried it would accidentally fall into my lap, but it seemed to have pretty good grip. having spent about 20 minutes in the company of this bee, despite being a little wary of it, i suppose i was getting quite fond of it. then, suddenly, it decided it felt much better, and off it flew, centimetres away from my head, with a speed i wasn't expecting from such a lazy bee. it circled around the bus a few times, and i could map it's flight path by tracking the little gasps and screams of my fellow passengers. it made me smile to think they were all so scared of my little friend, who had accompanied me for the first half of the journey. but when the bee started circling around 2 women and a girl at the front of the bus, i grew a little uncomfortable, as they started to talk about killing it. the women complained they had nothing to hit it with (for which i was glad) but the girl offered them her water bottle. i tried to block out their voices, not wanting to hear. luckily they laughed it off, neither of the seemingly wanting to actually perform the deed. but i was nervous for the rest of the journey in case they changed their minds, i would have felt sick if i had had to sit there and listen to them crush that bee to death.