i sat on my bed this afternoon, idly writing in my journal and gently working through the possibilities of holding a hand in the twilight, when all around me stars began to glitter. it was the return of a very interesting feeling, state of mind perhaps, that of the desire for change, and not only the desire for change, but the courage to pull off change. for a few days in january i remember feeling this, and i sat up late at night and mades lists of things to do. wonderful things, beautiful things. but it didn't really make all that much difference, because the feeling passed, and without the feeling, the inspiration, the things lost their wonder and their beauty, and i had no time or desire to do them. but i felt it again today, and i sat very still and quiet, and contemplated it, and hoped not to dislodge it. it's left me for the moment, but i have a feeling it may return.... it's some sort of delightful enjoyment of the world, some satisfaction to be gained from every passing sensation, a new kind of courage and optimism, faith in humanity and faith in nature, the desire to be true to myself and to others, to make the most of human relations, and of the beauty of the world, some sort of... glittering way of living.
i can't quite pin it down. it is shadowy, and if i'm not careful i shall lose it.

courage. courage and love.