i don't understand what is going on. it's not like anything happened. it's not like it's the end of a routine of years. it's not like i didn't know what was coming and it's not like i even got deep enough into it to reasonably feel anything. perhaps he was wrong though, he said he trusted me not to be so far gone as i thought i was. misplaced trust perhaps, because i think i am farther gone than even i thought i was. during the day, there are moments of clarity when i realise that what just happened was a small hill in a flat landscape; it was interesting, difficult, exciting and different while it lasted, but now i'm back on the flat ground. surely theres something nice about flat plains? ok, so they lack the amazing views and the wind in your hair, but they also don't have the climbing up and down steep slopes either, which is a bonus. and theres a certain ease of step and freedom to be had on the plains. at least, there would be, and there always was before, but now it's overpowered by my sense of disappointment that i had to come down off the hilltop before i was ready, and i'm saddened that i can see no other mountains on the horizon in any direction.
and if anyone can follow that extended metaphor then i'm impressed.
a few tears, and some hot bright sunlight warming my neck through the window, songs embellished with meanings from my own mind, and the armour still pressing against my chest. its the weekend, i should be glad.
3 Comments:
I just love this metaphor you have going here, Captain, I salute you! The hill, that place of meaning, relationship and exploration of deep-felt feelings, even love. And then, the return to the lonely plains.. seeking a new vision with potential for [new] meaning and relationship, etc, but where are those hills to be found?
I must confess you got my poetic juices flowing, for earlier I noted some thoughts about hills and plains... Flat plains v hills: contrast, view of hill, profile (can’t see a profile of a hill when on top of it, soplain has its benefits of (in)sight); being OUT of the process, Being on hill for hill’s sake OR being there fo the view (how do we see things – the view of the valley, valley appreciated; hill part of the whole, not by itself. Plain: ease of walk, refresh, rethink, regroup, look for next place to climb. Just as we cant hear unless we are silent we cant see the hills (and their potential) unless we (re-)visit the plain; and we can't appreciatre the beautiful position of the hill amid the plain, unless we are on the hill looking out.
I live on a hill: what are my benefits, disadvantages? What do I appreciate most about the hill, its slope, roughness, outlook, the valley, the river, the paddocks, gravel (dusty) roads, fields, fences.... etc, etc. What draws out my happiness and sadness? Maybe I can do something poetic with that one day.
BTW, Captain, do you write poetry? I think you would do such an excellent job as your written language is sooo vivid and rich, so complex, yet so simple. I have posted a poem My Primrose on my blog. I composed the poem for a distant (English) cousin and based it on two independant ideas and inter-wove them to express one big idea. It was fun to do. Maybe you could try it with some of your writings. Hope you like it, I would value your comments.
All the best,
Pirate Pete
pirate pete ;)
ok, wow, so someone did follow that metaphor! you understood what i was trying to say perfectly, and managed to extend it further than i had thought. i know i did have some thoughts about not being able to clearly see what was going on until i got out of the situation (down off the hill) but i never formulated them properly in my mind until i wrote what you said. thanks!
yes, occasionally i do write poems. not that i ever really sit down to write them, but occasionally they just come out, on the bus or in the library or something!
I think your plain+hill metaphor for life and relationships was really neat! I look forward to more.
It is most excellent that you can write poems in the general course of your day. That is what I tend to do, at least rough them out. I generally have to work hard to get them 'just write' (I am such a perfectionist I drive myself crazy way too often). Would be great to see some of your poems sometime, either here in your blog, or via email. That is if you wish to share them, of course.
Thanks for posting to "My Primrose" .. I'll go duck over there (do I have webbed feet? and reply. Then it is a nice quite Sunday nite at home with my precious wife, probably a bit of telly too. Have to finish an essay on Convict Australia, tomorrow. I know what I would rather be doing.
ooroo
PiratePete
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