you can't shame us now

i'm sitting here slowly watching the world grey into dusk before my eyes. and i thought i was feeling better, the music shivering through my body and laughing at idiotic romantic comedies (who can help being swept up by love stories?). but people keep leaving and there were only 3 places set at dinner tonight. i don't want people to leave, because instead of getting on with my life i end up just waiting, constantly waiting for contact from them, checking my emails at ridiculous times of the day and waiting for the postman.
the blackbird that has been calling outside the window all day long just flew off, with a rustle of feathers and leaves and almost disguised by nights deepening cloak it emerged from the tree and disappeared. another person has left. and who's left now except the flashing blue instant messenger window at the bottom of the screen - the disembodied type of someone i'm only talking to because they'll talk to me about him.
tomboyish cloaks, the first brown leaves in the gutter, forms, lists and don't forget to write it in pencil first. plait your hair and give yourself a sword, pretend you're thinking about something else and not just hopelessly bathing in your memories.
things have turned from grey to blue outside.