drawing birds in the library

my head hurts, and the tv keeps giving me unsubtle hints as to why... ok, so i might be ill, but that doesn't mean i want to confront it... lets just lie back in soft pillows, try to freeze away the headache with my computer cold hand and hope that it all goes away by itself... most things do.
i haven't had a clock in my room for a long time, at first the ticking kept me awake at night and i thought i would never get used to it... now it is starting to fade, though i still hear it and notice odd things like how it gets quiet or disappears when i turn my head towards it, and gets loud when i lie on my side facing away from it. i guess we all get used to things in the end, which is a shame in one way, those beautiful things you think you love forever, you realise you only loved in contrast when you get an undiluted overdose of them... and things you can't stand you eventually learn to live with, in hazy acceptance. it makes me feel a little odd to think my loves and hates are only circumstancial and not so real as they seem...
why is there an inability to do anything in the face of eternity? why does endless time wish to be filled with nothing instead of everything? i wonder how the universe ever got started since space and time seem so reluctant to be filled when they are endless...