the boxes of seaweed under the desk are making this room smell like salt again. it smells thick and heavy, but not strong. for a moment i almost mistook it for something else.
 
i was lying on the sofa a few minutes ago. i had read a bit more of birdsong, and listened again to a song by beth orten. strangely enough, i am being seduced by both, it was not a sensation i anticipated. but they both wrapped me up in something brown and mustard coloured, like a blanket, only it wasn't soft or warm, just comforting, just good to have. the sensation of having your mind stretched. i felt i could continue this feeling on my own, i felt i could sustain my own original thoughts and ideas, i lay back and expected to be a poem or a novel or a thought, i wanted my mind to carry me along, but realised too late that such things require strength that i just don't have. instead i resorted to reliving pink memories of hot summer exam days, water bottles, and awkward acquaintances.
 
i'm feeling drawn to my tpewriter. all pistachio green and ready, sitting on my tidied desk, it's an inviting sight. but with other people in the house this just isn't possible, and i believe i am too young to make any good use of it anyway. i read a section of a story about a man who lost the ability to speak. words just dropped out of his vocabulary until he had nothing left.
 
the colours of this post... pink... pistachio green... mustard yellow... i think they are reemerging from my mind from yesterdays experience. i looked at all the tiny shells and pieces of glass and china that i collected from the beach. it took me hours to collect them, i moved around the small pebbly beach in an illogical manner, sitting down on areas i had not yet searched and looking carefully among the grey stones for little pinpricks of colour glowing, little delicious fragments of shell or glass or whatever. i made them into a necklace yesterday, glueing them onto little circlets of wire twisted from paperclips, and threaded the circles onto yellow cotton. the colours... pink... green... yellow...