ha! or not......
tell me, why does optimism only work when something good has just happened? why, when everything goes back to normal, is it hard to muster even the tiniest bit of hope or optimism? and at the time when you most need it too, it's nowhere to be found.
and so what can i do now? except sit here and laugh bitterly at the ridiculously unfounded things i wrote yesterday or whenever, when the blinding pathway of light, and the butterfly, and the promise of a conversation and countless other glorious things had lifted my hopes far higher than was sensible. what was it that made me believe so surely that i'd be able to maintain this? that even come sunday with it's grey skies and lonliness and clarity of everything to come, i'd be smiling instead of crying? i was wrong.
what can i say? this really hurts.
2 Comments:
!PP
G'day Captain,
I haven't forgotten you, for I have visited these last two posts several times but only now feel I can comment. I do feel your pain; it is real, tangible, and understandable. But that doesn’t make it any more palatable.
I wrote a poem several years ago, and here is a verse…
. Who shall destroy this beast
. bearing the name grieving loneliness
. the fearless one threads his way
. silently and slowly skewering
. his tendrils tauntingly within
. hosts in love and friendship increasing
. only to destroy the very fabric
. of companionship and communion
. and suck the joy of existence
. from our chests of living gold.
What can I say? Only that there is One who knows what it is like to hurt beyond measure. I encourage you to talk to Him and ask Him for his take on what you are going through. He is the One who made the trees and the house martins, goannas and willie-wagtails. He made the grass in the meadows and the butterflies, the hills and the plains. He made the sky and all that is under it and above it. He alone is the Light and there isn't any darkness in Him. And He can lighten your path, and dispel the shadows, but only if you want Him to do so, for He will never unjustly or unlovingly impose Himself on you. In Him you can place your trust and find contentment amid the tension between optimism and pessimism, and all else you face. I am sure you know of whom I speak; He is the Lord, the beast-slayer, and He is most worthy of your confidence and your trust, always. He is listening to me and to you.
!PP
Peter
pete - sorry i never replyed, your comment did mean a lot to me.
kelly - thanks for your lovely comment! it's always nice to know people are reading your blog. :) and yes, links are always welcome!
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