ah.....
ahhhh.....
ah.

what just happened? did everything i wanted just happen? and then did it slip away mischieviously, leaving me unsure whether to be happy or sad?

i think so.

why did no one tell me that just holding hands with someone can send your body into rainbow-coloured fountains? to make the surprise all the better i suppose. what a well kept secret.

and now i don't know what to do with myself. oh, for just another night with that warm arm holding me as i sleep. just sleeping. tenderness i've always wanted, were it not such a crushing thing to say (it now being gone) i'd say i'd found it. well i found it. and not lost it exactly.... but.... i am alone.